oh well... it has been a long weekend with lots of thinking and self reflection... i can say im no longer emo... but i can't deny that deep within me that im still feeling a little sad. :/ it's just can't be help lah... im human ok? i can't forget it so easily... i've tried many times before but it's hard to let go... everything takes time i guess...

the Afghans likes to say: zendagi migzara. Life goes on. Yup... everyone should move on, right? it's no point brooding over something that is history; it's never gonna come back nor will it change. Scars. they are left to serve us as a painful reminder: deterring us from making the same mistakes.

i've learn to treasure something so deep and profound. Life. During this period of time, i felt depress, down and in present day lingo: emo. I really wanted to take my life. Typically, like most suicide reasons: Life felt meaningless. Each time I waited till i was alone in the house or i waited till everyone fell asleep... but strangely, as i waited, happy memories would flash in my head and i thought, would I bare to leave the people I love and treasure so much? what would my parents do? they'll surely be in agony for the rest of their lives. Well, it's obviously not because im my parents favourite or anything, but imagine if you're a parent and you raised your child for years and then you lose him/her, just imagine the pain of losing that child. Get my point? ok... back to my thoughts and so I didn't cut. but i did tried once and let me tell you that what people normally describes the pain and how it felt is true. you just feel so emotionally numb that the physical pain is so insignificant till later x/ then the physical pain sets in when reality wakes you up. well, I was curious. xD haha. there's a saying: you'll never know till you try. but... seriously, this is not worth a try.

Now i just need to relax and go out to wind down from all this. you know? fang qing song. xD

oh, and now? another problem... so much problem hor? lol... im in a dilemma... dunno if i should retain or go poly? and if poly, what course? this is really shang nao jing ar! x|

and one more thing, i did something during the weekend that i thought i would never do, that was to read a storybook for 9 hours straight x| lol... 8pm to 5am. impressive right? for a guy that hardly reads storybooks xD haha... and that book is "The Kite Runner". A really touching story with hell lot of twist in it. Haha... i would highly recommend you guys to read it. :)

I guess that's all for now... good nights =)
Thanks for everything;
for being a friend.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could take it all back.


*update* I forget to mention peijun. well, he stood by me in this period and i'm really grateful. Maybe without talking to him that night, I might not be here already =] yar. he talked me out of everything. Thanks dude. Cheers.

|SZD 10 N|

cruising by at 1:16 AM

dMC-
Learning to let go.